BIPOLARMANIA - 3/19/2026

I don’t think I was bipolar before I came to live in this climate. And I am sure my bi-polar has to do with missing being in the sun. And I never knew I was bi-polar until a therapist told me that I was.

Now what the hell does this mean for my body, my mind, my relationships and my work. And what is the relationship to mania. I can tell if I am being manic just like I can tell when my bipolar symptoms are showing.  All this after years of pure hell.  Was James Baldwin, manic, manic depressive, bipolar, because the things he experienced and wrote are serious stuff – serious depressive stuff. I once had a person scream at me that I was a manic person.  I didn’t know what a manic person was at that time so I shouted back at he that he was manic. Then I went to my husband to ask him what it meant and if I was behaving that way.  He denied it completely so I went to a dictionary of mental “diseases” and looked it up.  I tried to see how my behavior fit into that category and couldn’t, probably because I was wearing it or maybe I didn’t have it at all. Anyway, I give in now and anyone who wants to call me manic or bipolar are welcome to do so.  It seems that this kind of behavior is “in” since I hear and read about this kind of behavior all the time.  Now is it “IN” or is it just that like many things in this culture things become a “cool” word to use. Well, let me tell you about mania and how it feels to me and you can tell me if my shrink was right.  Now first you can have mania and be bipolar at the same time. Or so I was told, and you can have each one at different times.  Each one happens at a different time of the year, and you can have both at the same time according to the experts. Now how do we recognize “mania”.  Well, when a person is frantically going about doing things and is out of control, is spending money recklessly, and the things they are doing seem to not be getting done or getting done haphazardly or they could be doing fine and having great results but – they are just speeding around talking fast and seeming out of control of their thoughts and behavior. This is also a time when you don’t sleep much because you have so much to accomplish and you have nervous irritability.  These are some of the symptoms.  Bipolar disorder is different – it usually comes in spring for me - but some people also get it in the fall. When it happens to me, I know immediately I need sunshine because I find myself desperately looking for the sun to sit in, be in, make love to.  I am having that need lately and it is getting to be spring soon.  Last week I had it so bad that I unconsciously took a chair and went out in the street and sat there for about an hour. I had my coat on because it was cold.

As I am typing, I am remembering that in Sweden I have seen people lying in the winter sun with a mirror reflecting the sun onto their face. Now I thought they were trying to get a winter tan, but now I realize they may have been bipolar.  Perhaps I should do this.  Now having been born in the Caribbean, I fully understand the need for sunshine, I really feel the need for oranges and I have had a hankering for them this past week, so much so that I bought a whole bag, something I would usually never do.

That was bipolar – lets look at mania. When I have mania, I have fifty million projects, fifty million conversations, fifty million things to do around the house and everywhere and I can’t seem to get it all done. Or sometimes I am getting them done so well it is astonishing.  Everyone around me sees me rushing around so they keep away from me.

I wonder if everyone in the world does not suffer from these behaviors all the time and we have just put a name to something someone didn’t have themselves and understand, when actually it is quite normal. So, in reality – I am quite normal. But what is reality? Buddha said reality as we define it does not exist. In Buddhism one practices mind training so that one can hold on to the truth of nothingness.