GOOD MORNING HEARTACHE SIT DOWN

2/27/2026 - There are days when the madness takes over and nothing can bring back the certainty of place that you need to feel, that you need to have to continue through the day. You go to your space, your cabinet of mysteries and realize it has been days since you have taken the one that makes you smaller, the one that keeps your brain in place. So you immediately swallow all.  How could you have forgotten. But yesterday and the day before, all seemed to be going well, now you are floating above your head on a cloud of uncertainty. You must wait for the tiny grains to work and the head is in place on your shoulders, the brain situated in the spot where it functions best.

Spinning, but standing still.  Laying my head on the desk, without meaning to or wanting to my mind concentrates, connects intensely on the circular movements which it traces with the pencil that is my brain. I must be still. I try to remember how far back the memory of this feeling lies in my "head". Childhood, kneeling on the small stones, saying the Hail Mary in the late morning sun and knowing I would soon be lost.  A hand steading me saying sharply, hold yourself up young lady or you will be severely punished. My mind draging my torso to a straight kneeling position or is that a dream too. And yes, I leave school that mid-afternoon my palms red and raw from the lashes of the ruler.  I can not recall what happened after the threatening words. I do not even recall how I returned to school with the group of students in my class. How I walked from the church to the street and up the hill to the school yard and my class room.

But I had made it home. Where was my sister? Where were my brothers? Had they experienced this too. I will never know now.  We are all over the world separated by time.